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The Downside of Becoming a SAHM

Many working moms are probably envious to some extent of stay at home  moms. As a stay at home mom, I get to spend lots of time with my kids and be here to help with school projects and do fun crafts for the holidays and the best part of all is I don’t have to worry about work. But I’m here to tell you, it’s not all butterflies and sunshine. And if you are thinking about becoming a stay at home mom here are some things to consider beforehand.

 

  1. One Income

Okay, so this is pretty obvious. If you choose to stay at home that means that your spouse is the only one bringing money into the house and there’s a lot of pressure on him/her. What happened in my situation was a lot of fighting when it came to bills because my husband couldn’t handle following a budget and seeing his whole check go towards bills every week. Maybe this was due to our young marriage and him not being prepared for everything marriage includes, i.e. “Our money”. I always had this same phrase shoved in my face, “Have fun paying for that yourself, then”, whenever there would be an argument.

 

Now, this left me constantly feeling like I was in deep trouble because I realized that I had no backup. No emergency funds, not a stable career I could get back into. How would I pay for daycare for three kids and still make enough to support myself and my kids?!

That was a reason I became a stay at home mom in the first place. I simply wasn’t making enough to afford daycare and it became more of a burden than anything. But now that I’ve been at home for 3 years, it seems like that’s still all I am, is a burden.

 

This made me more determined than ever to find a job I could ROCK at home, make a decent living, and still be here for my kids instead of dumping them at daycare all day and running myself into the ground.

The point is, even if you are surviving off of one income, it’s always best to have a backup plan if shit hits the fan or just to have a rainy day fund. It will take a lot of stress off of the family budget. And as women, I think we should always have a Plan B. We shouldn’t have to always rely on a man, especially if they will use it against you. You should never be tethered to someone that way. Hopefully, ya’ll are luckier in that department than I was.

 

2. Transporter and House Cleaner

this is what your new title is. Once your kids are school aged there is drop off and pick up on top of the drs appointments, grocery shopping, and any other activities or errands. Most of your day is scheduled around these things which leaves little time to get anything else in.

Kids make messes CONSTANTLY. You turn you back for a second and the whole house is upside down. When you aren’t driving, you’re probably cleaning. And nothing is left clean for long. I have a son who isn’t in school yet but gets into everything! Then my older boys come home and it’s kitchen raising time. Food and dishes everywhere!

The upside of working is that the kids aren’t home for long and you’re not stuck to clean up the mess of the day which lingers to an all day event.

 

3. There is no safe space

 

Anywhere you go, the kids WILL find you. There’s always a fight or something to tattle on. Or a crying kid. And the worst part of all? You can’t cuss at the top of your lungs to let out all of your pent up frustrations.

4. Family Will Say You Have It Easy

Seriously. I’ve had family tell me it must be nice to stay home and not do anything all day. Because if I’m not making money, I’m doing nothing important. Wow. Yep. Morons. I would trade them a few days doing what I have to do and see if they survive. I’m not watching tv all day or shopping or hanging out with homies and throwing back beer. I don’t get to sleep in or stay up super late. I wake up and have a job to do. From the time I wake up until I go to sleep, with hardly a break in between. When hubby gets home, my day isn’t over. He gets to use the “I worked all day and I’m tired” card. So have I! But because there’s no paycheck, my work is meaningless to some.

 

Being a stay at at home mom is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. I love what I do, but it’s the social backlash from society, friends and family that makes me take a step back and reevaluate my efforts. The reality is, the kids will be grown before you know it and won’t need Mom at home. What will you do with yourself then?

 

XOXO Patty

 

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Parent Teacher Conferences

Ahhhh Parent Teacher Conferences. A time to meet with your child’s teacher and hear how smart your kid is and how well he’s doing in the classroom……..Or is it?

Typically, you’ll hear how well your child is doing and get some tips to help with what needs to be improved.

When I hear that term, I know all my dirty laundry is about to be aired. How many days of school your child has missed, the tally of all the days my son has been late. How he’s turned in his homework late for the third week in a row. And how important it is to show up, be on time, and be prepared.

 

Now, im not complaining about any of these. Really! I agree 100%. However, I’m not perfect. I am that “Hot Mess” everyone reads about on Facebook. Which means that these parent teacher conferences are more of a parent report card than anything. And you know, I just don’t look forward to these things.

 

I feel the need to remind myself, and everyone else if this helps at all. So here it goes. Moms and dads, it is your responsibility to raise kids into responsible adults. You set the example for them and teach them about priorities. Teachers can only do their job if there’s a student sitting in that class and who is prepared to learn.

When I go into that meeting today, I will fully take responsibility for the late days and no shows because that’s on me! No homework had been turned in? Yes, I’m aware, and that also is on me. But I will walk out of that classroom more committed to showing my child that his education is important to me even if it means waking up a little earlier to make time for missing shoes and meltdowns. I will stay up a little later to make sure the homework is finished and packed in his backpack. Because one day, he’ll be responsible enough to take care of these things himself, thanks to Mom, Dad, and awesome teachers!

 

Just maybe, next year I won’t be scared when this time rolls around!!! Fingers crossed!

 

How do you feel about Parent-Teacher Conferences? Leave a comment!

 

XoXo Patty

 

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Helping Others

As the holidays creep up on us this year and we get excited about shopping and holiday parties and the cheery feels of the season, Let us not forget about the men, women, and children who will be on the street this year. If you live in a town similar to mine, you see the homeless everyday looking through garbage for cans and bottles to recycle, or lying on the cold concrete trying to get a nap in to sleep off the hunger. Many of these people don’t have family, they definitely don’t have a warm home many barely have warm enough clothes, and they won’t be getting everything on their Christmas list.

So, before you think you have all of your gift lists put in order and that you’ve got everyone covered, Take a moment to add one thing on that list that could help someone down on their luck. Maybe donate warm clothes, purchase some extra packs of socks. When you get together with your family, consider making some care packages of toiletries and snacks together and hand them out or donate the care packages to your local shelter/resource center.

Let’s share our blessings and get into a habit of helping others. Our world will be a better place when we choose love and show compassion.

 

How will you use your helping hands this year?

Here’s an example of how to put together a Blessing Bag from Thrifty North West Mom

https://www.thriftynorthwestmom.com/blessing-bags-assemble-bags-keep-hand-need/

 

XOXO Patty

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Play Date Ideas!

You found fellow friends that associate with being parents. Now what? Well, now you get out of your Pj’s and throw on your best mom jeans and then get out and have fun with one of these great ideas.
1. Old fashioned park play date.

Choose a park that accommodates both parties. It’s helpful to pick a park that has bathrooms and allows for lots of running around. Think about weather. Is it hot outside? Make sure there is shade. A good playground goes a long way,too!

2. Kid-friendly indoor park/arcade.

My kids looovvveeee Chucke E Cheese! I think they even serve wine now for us parents 😉 WIN! And you only need a few bucks per kid for tokens. You don’t have to order food there, which makes this play date a great rainy day activity. Choosing one with a play structure extends the fun after the tokens are all gone. Afterwards, they get to turn those tickets in for a small prize. A play date that keeps on giving. How awesome is that?? 

Any sort of fun indoor park will work. Research what’s nearby. We have a Pump It Up, our local YMCA, soon we will have a trampoline park! Even minigolf, bowling, Or your library (most have kid corners now). 

Even big book stores usually have a kid corner with a train table or an area for kids to sit and read. Usually, there is also a cafe. Talk about family friendly!

3. Family amusement park or museum.

Have season passes to a local amusement park? Use them! We have special days where we can get friends in free, which is a win if your mom pal doesn’t have a season pass also. 

A children’s oriented museum is also a great way to spend a play date! So much fun to be had and things to learn from a museum! 

4. Nature walk

Lastly, you can’t go wrong with a good ol’ walk. Fresh air does everyone good. Make it fun. Bring the scooters and bikes. Collect trash and clean up the neighborhood, throw rocks into a pond. The opportunities are endless when you are out in open space. 

Sometimes, finding a paved trail near you is best for younger kids. Always use safety precautions.
I hope these have helped you get some ideas for your next play date! Let me know what your favorite excursion is with the kids!

Xoxo Patty

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Motherhood Is Lonely, Let’s Change That.

Why are so many moms sitting at home right now finding someone on a blog to connect to….like this one? I get it, I was a lonely mom. I tried mom groups, park play dates, friending other moms online, friend apps. I’ve even tried reconnecting with old friends that are not parents. Unfortunately, I have nothing in common with them anymore. They don’t understand the troubles we go through or the simple fact that going out to a club on a Friday night seems like work and not a good time after the thought of getting dressed up, walking around past bedtime, and being away from your cozy bed and the Investagtion Discovery channel.

Well, sometimes a social life can be hard. Especially in the beginning of it all. I’m still getting used to marriage and sharing all of my things. And I’m still getting used to 3 kids that seem to have an infinite amount of energy and feelings. I’ve come to accept my lack of social life, because it’s not important to me to have friends just because society says “this is the amount of friends normal people have”. I’m not normal and I don’t have a problem saying I have 3 friends. But I do think it’s important to have some people to have play dates with or grab a quick cup of coffee with in the morning.

So here’s what I did. There wasn’t a mom’s group or meetup in my city. The city over had one but they required you to attend a hosted meetup once a month, and c’mon, anything that kicks you out for not following rules is not my thing. So I created a social page on Facebook for my town for moms. It’s up to a good number of moms. We ask questions, we get together for coffee, I create a monthly list of events. Sometimes nobody comes, sometimes it’s a great turnout. Either way, it’s a starting point towards meeting and taking to local moms.

 

check your Facebook for a local group, and if it’s not there, create one yourself! You’d be surprised how quickly it grows! Then, you’ll need a list of ideas for play dates! Coming soon! 😉

 

Hang in there parents. Drop expectations of a social life and recreate your own. You don’t need to follow social norms after motherhood, you create your own.

 

 

xoxo Patty

 

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It Must Be Nice…

To all of you who judge mothers, especially stay at home moms, and tell us…”It must be nice…”, SCREW YOU!!!

 

Why?

It must be nice to have ZERO alone time?

It must be nice to wipe asses all day long?

It must be nice to have an empty bank account?

It must be nice that the highlight of my day is my morning trip to Starbucks which is the only money I spend on myself personally?

It must be nice to watch everyone around me get out of the house and socialize?

It must be nice to have to fix everything in the house by myself or be stuck with it forever broken, water squirting all over my bathroom every time I shower.

It must be nice to be the glue that holds everything and everyone together, even when you are almost empty?

 

It must be nice, isn’t it?

 

I love my family, but sometimes its so hard to hold it together. You feel lonely, and forgotten. You want to support your husband with his work and his personal life but can’t help but feel jealous when he goes out to breakfast and lunch without you, especislly when y ou are in serious need of a date. Or when he is too tired from work to help you when he gets home. All “motherly” tasks are left to you because you are better at it. No break, no help, no life.

 

That’s how I feel at this very moment.

 

That will change.

 

Because from now on, I will put myself first, so that I can be an even better wife and mother. I will go to mom groups, I will go to that MEETUP for 20/30 year olds, I will go to the gym and proudly frop my kids off for 90 minutes of freedom, I will travel 40 miles to see my friend in another city, I wil make myself a priority. Because I shouldn’t have to cry that nobody else does. That’s up to me.

 

Rant over.